Beep

           The morning fog of the winter was almost freezing my fingers. Slightest rays which the sun was able to make then had least to do with the weather at that time. The creeping sparrows over me made it feel like an unseen paradise in that industrial town. The all polluting gases from the cement factories around me did no harm to my breath of all fresh air. The lush of few green fields on the sides of the road was complementing it. The numbers of colonial cousins wavering ‘dheemtha dheemtha dherana’  in my music player  gave me the best company I could get there. The warmth of the coffee I had some time before in a roadside shop made that moment complete, where the taste it instilled sometime before, lingered even then on my tongue! The depression of a recently strained relationship and the bullying semester results which was expected to burst anytime in near future had abruptly vanished from my mind and nothing could stop me enjoying that very small and even silly, beautiful  moment. It was Karthik, walking through the sides of NH227 in Ariyalur in the late early morning.

‘So, what else could be better in this world than this early morning lonely walk in this no occupied road with a sip of hot coffee??’ My mind read.

‘Maybe a late night, sizzling bike ride across the same road’, I thought.  Eventually, these are the only two things I do regularly whenever I’m back home for weekends and vacations.  I love engulfing myself in joy these very small things fetches me, though many feel that these things don’t matter much. Anyway, I don’t give a damn about others! For me, all which brings the happiness are these small and silly things around me. The small occasional delights like these embraced my seemingly carefree life.

“ Gud morn!  jus woke up :).. Wassup? The same Walk huh??”, the text from Deepika beeped.

Struggling to read such a long good morning message, I was little amazed that only girls could convey so many contrasting things in a single text eventually confusing us always!!

‘yea :).. In gods own paradise!!’  I replied.

‘u r sick! U really need help :D. Y do ya bother so much about des simple things?’ She read. Really a girl could turn any good moment of you a regretting one and in the other way it works too!! I really didn't want the former one to happen!

‘Shut up! U ll get to know only wen u feel it.’ I tried to explicate to that bully.

‘Hmmm. Well.. So wat else makes Karthik all happy as dis?? J’ She seemed pleasant. That also partly explained to me that there was no other to hang out with, this early morning and she gotta bear with me. Honestly, it was she who is helping me out with some relieved moments and helping me to take some time off from my past.

‘ma best friend hugging me, playing with a cute kid like a kid! presenting a gift!!  ’ I said cheerfully.

‘ Oh! Then??’ She sounded bit sarcastic!

‘Sporting in Drizzle,  A long journey!!.. Wat s better than al dis in d world??’ I asserted firmly again.

‘nice :).. But still I don’t give a damn abt al des!’ She said.  Since the conversation was going nowhere, I ostensibly diverted the topic and made it quite interesting to her. In the mean time I was back at my home. Rest of the day passed with the grace of facebook and the company of Deepika, who seemed very attached to me. The day was also filled with occasional sarcastic phrases from my mom eventually meaning ‘ Dhendasoru’ for wasting the vacation at home. All I was looking all day, was for the late night to come so that I can go for a sizzling bike ride( certainly after my father sleeps!).. Eventually, the ride of the day was all perfect.

The next day started as usual with the morning walk, but I missed the texts from Deepika. I thought she would be busy! I reached my home at 7.30 am and I rested for a while and had my breakfast. I casually logged on into facebook with a cheesy expectation of fetching some 10 likes for a lame stolen status I posted last night!! I was taken aback by the first newsfeed on my facebook page , before  checking my notifications.

“ Venkatesh Ramanujam and 23 other friends wrote on Deepika Ramanan’s wall on her birthday today” It went.

Shit… I forgot her birthday. I was scolding myself with all possible words, my mouth could pull then.  I rushed to my mobile which was on the table and called her up. All I could hear was the recorded voice creeping that ‘the subscriber is not responding to your call’, even after trying umpteen times. Wasting no time I texted wishing her and apologized for wishing late.

‘ So u forgot ma bday rite Karthik??  She sounded feeble.

‘ I'm really sorry Deepika..’ I was really helpless but frank.

‘ U r rite da. Sometimes small things matter a lot!’ Her text delineated the hurt to me.

‘Don’t speak with me today pls. Leave me alone!’ Her aftermath message read even before I started typing my reply.

‘ I'm really sorry deepika.. I'm  really feeling guilty. As u wish I won't disturb u today. Happy bday again..’ I was trying to be genuine. There was no reply from her. Feeling angry with myself I threw my phone off and was sitting helplessly for forgetting her birthday. The rest of the day was disastrous and I was shouting at my mom even for small things and was just feeling somewhat which made me feel the pain of regret again.

      It was 10.30 pm and still I was not normal as she didn't reply to any of my messages all the day. I exorbitantly decided to go for the usual bike ride to feel some better. This is where I made the second mistake of the day as I slipped from my bike just after my home, as I was turning abruptly to avoid a stray dog. Sustaining few scratches, I screamed and my neighbor helped me out and accompanied to my home, also dropping my bike. Though I sustained only very minimal scratches I was more worried to hear my father berating me for the mess up.

As I expected my father started scolding me like anything as if it was a much-awaited opportunity for him. My worried mom helped me out with some cotton and an ointment. As my father seemed not stopping, I shouted at him that I could not do anything about it and I angrily left to my room. Regretting the whole day, I dressed up myself and went to bed. I couldn’t sleep.

‘It wasn’t my day’ I thought.

‘Why do these small things matter so much??’  I questioned myself. I decided not to bank on the pleasure of these silly things anymore. I was just contemplating how the next day will be. I was down and depressed. In a while, I heard the footsteps of my parents approaching my room and I pretended asleep. My mother opened the half closed door and switched on the light.

‘ He has slept’, my father told my mom.

‘ You scolded him too much’ my mom said worryingly as my father left the room.

I never thought that in next few moments I would be all relieved!. My mom came next to me and adjusted my quilt. Thinking I was asleep she kissed on my forehead. I was speechless. As she left the room I couldn’t help myself saying ‘ Love you Amma !’ The moment was complete again!.

‘Really, small things like this matter a lot! What will feel better in this world than ur mom kissing u when you are asleep!’ I thought cheerfully.

“ Really sorry for being harsh today. I really…………...” the text from Deepika beeped! Let me read the whole message!

-Karthik Selva.